We Are Designed to Network

One of the most amazing success stories of our time is MySpace.com which boasts a user population of 170 million (at last count)--greater than the 6th most populous nation in the world (Pakistan)! MySpace is only one of dozens of successful Internet-based social networking communities. Why are these sites so popular? I assert that they simply empower people to do over the Internet what people are naturally inclined to do anywhere: build networks of relationships.

This tendency to build networks of relationships may be genetically wired into us. It is an essential part of our survival equipment and those who do it best are often the ones who flourish in all areas of living. Think about this: in a vulnerable moment, a friend shares with you a desire or a difficulty. Do you typically try to help them yourself? Notice how often you say something like "I know someone you should meet."

Look in your life at how much of what you enjoy has been influenced by your network of relationships. Did someone introduce you to your spouse? Did you find your church through a referral? Did someone recommend your real estate agent, your hair stylist, your doctor?

Is Your Dial Tuned to WII FM? (What's In It For Me?)

Even though we all naturally "network" to some extent, have you noticed what happens when you have an opportunity to profit from your recommendations? Most of us get "wierd" when this happens. Suddenly something shifts and we begin to worry that we might be "using" our relationship to get something. We don't want to be seen as "selling" something" or "taking advantage" of anyone.

It's strange, but when there is "nothing in it for me," there seems to be no risk of losing anything. For example, if I recommend a restaurant that I've enjoyed, I don't worry if my friends are going to like it. If they do not, I chalk it up to a difference in tastes. Big deal.

But if I have something at stake (if I stand to profit from my recommendation) my reputation seems to be on the line. Why is that? I think this gets at the heart of why word-of-mouth "advertising" is so powerful: it's about trust. A friend who makes a recommendation with nothing to gain seems to have only my interests in mind. The moment someone stands to gain from their recommendation the issue of trust comes into question. "Is she recommending this because it will be best for me or best for her?" is the question we ask ourselves.

This is what makes us suspicious of friends who join network marketing organizations and suddenly approach us (and everyone else they know) to sell us their product or try to enroll us in their program. The great falacy network marketing has perpetuated is the idea that "everyone is a prospect." That is a lie. At any given moment you may or may not be interested in what someone else is promoting. Here's what defines the turn-off we generally think of as sales: somebody talking to us about something in which we have no interest. It's hard for that person who is so excited about their new product and business to get why others around them don't respond with the same enthusiasm.

If you've been approached by a friend or coworker who drank the "koolaid" of network marketing, please send them this link for a free ebook called "The 7 Lies of Network Marketing." Or download the free ebook yourself and send it to them as an email attachment. You will be doing them a huge favor and saving them from so much pain and suffering. This amazing ebook has revolutionized my approach to marketing. It doesn't discourage network marketers it redirects their efforts in very productive ways. And it also saves us all the grief of unwanted sales pitches!

Don't get me wrong. I'm passionate about networking and I'm happy to have friends and coworkers as customers and business partners. But I no longer approach them to sell my wares. I have other ways of letting people know what I'm up to and if and when they are ever interested or they encounter someone who may be interested in what I have to offer THEY COME TO ME or THEY REFER PEOPLE TO ME. Amazingly when that happens I'm never "using" anyone, I'm only contributing to them by what I have to offer.

"Who do you know?"

Network marketing gurus train their disciples to approach people with the "side door" approach: "Who do you know?" to avoid asking people directly if they are interested in what they have to offer. It's a great technique except that they teach it as a "technique" which tends to be employed as a manipulation. But as an honest request for referrals, it's a great approach to find a needed resource or recommendation. It works especially well when the referral is for another friend. But it can be used effectively (only if it is a genuine request for referral or an authentic recommendation) even when when I may benefit in some way from it.

Here are a few of my favorite uses of "Who do you know?":

• My friend, Robert, has mentored hundreds of people to replace or double their incomes by learning how to build a part-time business from home. Over thirty of his pupils have become millionaires. Who do you know who might like to learn from Robert? Please encourage them to Read more here.
• My friend, McNair (a former Disney Imagineer) delivers one of the funniest keynote addresses about how all of us can "recapture our creative spirit." Who do you know who might like to have McNair inspire their company or organization? Please recommend them to Read more here.
• One weekend changed my life forever. It empowered me with a new experience of freedom, inner-peace and self-expression. Who do you know who might want a fresh outlook on their life? You might suggest they Read more here.

One last point. Many people think of NETWORKING (building networks of relationships) as a means to solving our problems and achieving our dreams. I hold a different view: I see problems and dreams as the occasion and impetus to connect with expanding circles of other people.